My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I love you. Go after that dick
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
