He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
