We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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