He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
