Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
