WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
