Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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