why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
