so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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