Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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