Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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