i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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