Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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