I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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