I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
