Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
