Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
