i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
