come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
