Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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