Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
