I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
