I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
