youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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