Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
