whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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