Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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