Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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