if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
