omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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