I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
