Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
