glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
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