wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
