I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
