ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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