called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
