I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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