the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
