I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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