dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
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