Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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