I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
