Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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