apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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