I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
