I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
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