I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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