I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
