i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
