sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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