The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
