dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
