Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
