false alarm. still invincible.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
