she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
