I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Randomize
