Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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