well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
