we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
