wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
